Toxic Lollipop
by Zurizip
Summary: Expanded drabble... because I had to. Light hearted and lots of picking on the major in heels higher than they have a right to be. Watch out, boys... DONE! WOO!
1. Chapter 1

**Blame Intertiatic. This will be finished when I get the time; it's too perfect not to.**

_Ready for your big break on the stage, Major?_

_You know, I still don't think I need to be here. Wouldn't Pazu be better suited to this position?_

_I wouldn't mind it._

_Heh. And here I was going to volunteer._

_Hey! At least you guys aren't stuck on web reconnaissance and remote info retrieval_

_No kidding!_

The major sighed at the sudden clamor of voices in her brain. _Bomer, Ishikawa, we need someone on the other side to sort out the info I'll be sending you. Saito, we need you as a sniper. Pazu, if you were recognized our cover would be blown, so Togusa, your stuck. Batou…_

_Yes, Major? _The man's voice was innocent as a newborn… changling.

She paused, then decided that ignoring him would probably be best. _Never mind. _She could hear quiet cackles from everyone else on the network, and staunchly ignored them as well. _Is everyone in position?_

Batou's eternally amused voice came over the net again, _Togusa's playing new barboy; so far the count is 2 to 3 in favor of the drinks…_

"Bastard," Togusa muttered under his breath as he grabbed a broom for the latest broken glass.

_... Saito and Pazu are in the wings, so to speak, in case something goes wrong…_

"He's in rare form tonight," Saito muttered from his seat in the tilt-rotor.

"It's the major," Pazu muttered, snuffing out a cigarette.

…_and your friendly neighborhood bouncer is prepared to escort you to the stage, where you will awe, inspire, seduce, and abscond,_ the doorknob to her dressing room turned and Batou entered with a flourish, saying, "and then disappear, like a proper lady of the night."

With a flat look, Motoko rose and glided across the room, resisting the urge to hack his brain and knock him out. He was needed for the mission… unfortunately. "Come on," she said, "let's get this over with."

Giving her a boyish grin, Batou indicated for her to lead the way, turning the lights off and closing the door behind them.

"OY. Berboi! How's 'bout choo get me 'nother round fer the feckers at dis table, eh?"

With a amazing show of control, Togusa bowed. "Certainly, sir. But if I may point out, the show is about to begin – would you like to wait?"

_Togusa, what are you doing? The drunker they are, the less they're likely to remember._

Togusa winced at the Major's strict tone, then smirked when he realized the real reason for it. _I was just thinking it would be a little difficult to get in close if they all had drinks, _he said, completely monotone.

There was a crackling pause. _Give them the drinks, Togusa, _she said dangerously.

_Yeah, _commented Ishikawa, _besides, alcohol is sanitizing. _

"Feck that!" the orderer was saying at the same time, "we'll drink and watch through the bottom of our glasses!"

Bowing again, Togusa went to mix their orders, positively grinning as the lights dimmed and a prerecorded announcer said in a booming voice, "Laides and gentlman, I am proud to introduce to you… 'Toxic Lollipop'!"

_That's her name,_ Togusa said in stunned surprise. He didn't realize that the rum he was holding was still lazily pouring into his blender until Batou replied.

_They ask for quadruple shots, Togusa? _Eyebrows shooting up, Togusa sheepishly righted the rum bottle._ Just wait, it gets better, _the cyborg said.

The light were still down, but Togusa could just see a white shirt move on to the stage. A bass line came on, followed by screeching strings, and suddenly the lights came up, revealing the Major posed on a chair. It took all of Togusa's control not to react to the outfit; a women's white oxford style blouse complete with tie, short pleated black skirt, knee high socks, stripped in the same gold and maroon (the colors of the strip club) and high heels that made him respect his commander all the more – not only because he knew he'd never be able to walk in them, but because he knew he wouldn't walk for a month if she took exception to any comments he made on the mission. Suddenly, he sincerely feared for Batou.

_Oh holy **shit; **_Saito said as Brittany Spear's voice started the first verse of 'Toxic'; _did she really pick this song? _

_Manager's pick, _Batou said, _said that if he was going to be a part of this, he was going to do the routine. _

_That explains a lot, _Togusa said dryly.


	2. Chapter 2

**Not quite done yet! But only one more chapter and then my little totter into blatant author liberties will be over. I should make it clear now, though, that this is PG-16 or so. But they don't have that here, and I don't want to up and move it to M so… yeah.**

_That explains a lot, _Togusa said dryly. Then he paused. _Wait, I get the 'Toxic' part… but why lo-_

_Just wait, _Batou said, positively giggling.

Thankfully, she took her sweet time taking anything off, much too busy doing uncomfortable things with the chair to spend much thought on clothes. The two poles on either side of the stage also saw quite a bit of action as the audience whooped and hollered. Togusa kept his head down, watching their target a little more closely than he normally would have.

_It's a good thing they're so engrossed in the show, _Batou said jovially, _they might think you've got a little crush on one of them, Togusa._

_With all due respect old man, shut it, _Togusa shot back.

_Oh ho! _Togusa could almost see Batou grinning back stage, but he didn't get a chance to reply as Ishikawa came over the net.

_Cut it out you two, she's going in. _

_I'll say, _Batou said. Togusa swore he saw the major twitch as she stepped off stage, loosening her tie and tossing one end around the neck of their target, straddling his legs. The natural man practically heard every male in the room swallow as she gyrated once, threading her fingers through the man's hair and – of course unbeknownst to everyone else – plugging a remote access point into his barrier.

_All right, _Ishikawa cried, _we're in! Keep him distracted, Major!_

_Hardly a challenge, _Motoko returned wryly, reaching up and slowly beginning to undo the buttons on her shirt, still keeping a very hard beat with her hips.

Distraction was an understatement, Togusa thought, if it wasn't for the fact that he'd seen her in action (he winced at his own pun and amended his thoughts to 'on duty', which wasn't much better) he would have been turned on himself. He seriously doubted that stipulation was putting much of a damper on Batou's thought processes – but of course, he was no secret.

_Got it! You're good major!_

_About time. _The shirt was tossed away, and the access point surreptitiously shed. As she backed into the stage light again, Togusa couldn't stop himself from a groan and hand to his forehead. Stuck into her cleavage was a large, pink, heart shaped lollipop. A few turns around the bars and out it came, he noticed that she laid very artfully on the stage in order to lavish her attentions on it, and one of the other men in the group noticed too.

"Oh yeah baby! Give that thing some love!"

Togusa knew that the smoldering look she gave the man was nothing more than a well disguised glare, and felt rather glad that look could not kill.

_Uh oh… _Batou said as the man got up, tottering over to the stage and placing one hand on either of the Major's ankles. She apparently had it covered though, because she leaned forward, spreading her legs out even farther to a perfect splits and languidly drew her tongue around the condensed sugar, then closed her mouth around it, calmly put her hand on the man's face and pushed herself up; the school girl skirt somehow left on the ground.

"Hey girlie!" the man said after he had sunk to the ground for a moment, "don't just get up and leave on me; come back here and sit your pretty little ass on my legs!"

The major blatantly ignored the man, and Togusa was paying extremely close attention to his drink mixing, furiously beating the blood away from his face and keeping a absurd mental picture of a very fat man with a large beard in an awful pink dress carrying a parasol and small lemon cookies in a basket.

"Hey baby, baby! Don't ignore me!" the man continued to bleat just off stage.

_Gees, isn't the song done yet? _Saito asked.

_Extended for its ten year anniversary and again by the noble establishment, _Batou quipped, _she's got another minute on stage._

The man stumbled over to the stage, fingers scrabbling for a purchase on the well sanded wood.

_Time for the friendly bouncer to make an appearance… _Batou said, but hadn't even gotten a step when the Major interrupted.

_Batou; let me. _Now wearing nothing but a pair of extremely skimpy underwear, Motoko walked over to the man and dragged one finger along his jaw line, smiling seductively. As the finger left his chin, the man smiled stupidly and sank to the floor again. The other men laughed at him, obviously thinking that he passed out from the drink. With a cat's smile, Motoko returned to center stage, pulling one last pose before the lights went down.


	3. Chapter 3

As the lights went down, Ishikawa came over the com system. _Nice… performance, Major._

_Sure; now was it worth it?_

_I'd say, _Batou quipped, and coughed as a water android dumped it's bottle over his head.

Ishikawa paused for a moment, saying, _Hold on, we're in the final stage…_another pause, _got it! Yep, that's our guy, major, and we've got the proof._

_So there's poetic justice in the world after all. _She commented, _All right, Togusa, get out from behind the bar, Batou, wipe yourself off, we're moving in._

_With pleasure,_ Togusa said, putting the rum he was trying to make a cosmopolitan with (and failing miserably) down and hopping over the bar. Grunting, Batou dodged a few maroon curtains and tramped on stage as the house lights suddenly flicked out again. The group of gang members were still laughing heartily at their table when Togusa and Batou both leveled their guns, Togusa shouting, "all right; sorry to ruin your night, but you're all under arrest for crimes against the state, laundering of government funds, and conspiracy to steal by means of cyber terrorism."

The laughter died like a small insect being squished by the empire state building, the effects of the declaration like and insta-sober pill. Togusa had seen this reaction before, but it never failed to surprise him. "Oh rully?" On of the men finally drawled, "Think yer goin ta ruin our fun?"

"I'm afraid so," Batou replied, "but at least you had a good last night on the town, hm?"

The talking man chuckled, the rest following his lead. "Well, I'll give ya one thing, copper," he said, "we had a good night on the town…" and he pulled out a small semi-automatic pistol, firing off a shot at Batou.

The rest of the men immediately followed suit, Batou and Togusa both leaping for cover. "Dumbasses," Batou muttered as he reloaded his weapon, "they're going to hit everyone and their grandmother going like this."

"And you think they care?" Motoko said, crouching down beside him with a small hand gun and firing off a few precise shots.

"Well…" Batou abruptly noticed that she hadn't donned any clothes since the show, "Do I want to know where you found room for that gun?" He asked, forcefully averting his eyes and sighting one of the men's legs.

"Probably." The Major replied, _Togusa! You still alive over there?_

_More or less, _the natural man replied as he ducked behind the table and reloaded his Mateba.

_All right, you're closest to the fuse box. Get the lights out and turn on the fire sprinklers._

There was a pause, and they heard one last shot from Togusa's pistol. _Got it. _

_Saito! Pazu!_

_Yo. _Pazu's voice came over.

_Get down here, we'll probably have it under control, but we'll need help on clean up._

"Lovely," Saito muttered.

"Hey, maybe she hasn't changed yet," Pazu drawled as he gave the order for the AIs to take the tilt-rotor down.

The lights went off less than a minute after Togusa had broken off from the battle. _Move in! _Motoko said to the two men, _and do it before they can adjust their vision!_

Sight switched over to night vision, all three moved in on various targets, plugging in the cyber handcuffs before the men could even figure out what had happened. _I've got two, _Togusa finally came over.

_Four, _Batou said.

_Three, _Motoko said, and she frowned in the dark. _We're missing one._

The lights flicked on again, the system rebooting itself automatically, and the final member came to their attention.

"But muuuuum… I dun wanna go to school…"

Raising an eyebrow, the Major delicately stepped over two inert bodies, hands on her hips as she gave the final man a derisive look. He was curled up on the floor right where she had left him when the show had ended.

"Gees major, what'd you do to him?" Batou asked, coming up behind her to study the man for himself, "I thought you just blinked his functions so he'd fall over."

"I did," she answered, a hint of ironic amusement in her voice, "someone just happens to be a mama's boy."

Batou chuckled as the Major stepped over the man, lifting up his head to plug in the cuffs. As she did, he opened his eyes, getting half a second for an open mouthed stare before she noticed and shoved the plug in with a glare. Batou was beside himself.

"Well, he's got a good memory for the night he got arrested."

Motoko glared at him. "If he remembers it…"

"Aw, Major, have a heart," Batou teased.

"No," she replied, and turned backstage. "Start cleaning up this mess, I've got to change."

"Don't you mean get dressed?" Batou called after her, to no reply.

"Well major, you've done it again." Batou said as he navigated the section nine van down the empty streets, "Not only are you the top officer of an elite crime stopping unit, but you can also shake-,"  
A glare that would make Zeus think twice before saying anything. Without a hitch though, Batou continued.  
"-down a gang meeting in a tiny-,"  
"Batou…"  
"run down joint with nothing but -,"

"…"  
"Your own two hands and some…back up." He glanced at her over his shoulder, grinning ear to ear.

In return, he glared. "I'm finding a female terrorist group that has its basis out of Chipn'dales," she muttered.

"Aw, don't be so sore major. After all, you did the world a … service." He barely kept down a snort.

"I'm _not _sore," she muttered, reminding herself to tell the Tachikomas to ask about the time a grocery AI unit had taken a liking to him, "but you will be if I shove that pole up your…"

"Ah ah ah major; you don't know where that thing's been." Another grin lit his face; "Oh wait, you do!"

Somehow, he wasn't surprised to find own fist in his face at the next stoplight.

**HA! HAHAHAHA! IT'S DONE! HAHAHA! Cross one more off the list! **

**The final part is, in fact, the drabble that sparked this lovely little story, with one line added. **

**Um yeah. Sorry it took so long guys, and I hope its up to par. I kinda threw it together after I realized how much I'd been ignoring fandom (creative writing portfolios and literature papers…) Thanks to SXstrngsamurai for poking me, or rather, just saying hi. **

**Just to let you know, spring break is just around the corner, and there is GitS stuff on the list of 'Things to work on' so… hopefully more stuff is around the corner! Till then, have a nice time!**


End file.
